Busy Bee

Gosh, it is early. Like waaaay early. I have been awake since a little before 4 am. I finally got out of bed when JJ's alarm went off at 5. I just couldn't sleep this morning. Which I know I will pay dearly for later.

So much running through my mind. Why does it all have to be so important at 4 am? Why can't I shut it down? I guess the truth is that during the day there are enough distractions that I can avoid thinking about certain things. Worrying....fretting....being an emotional, over achieving control freak. Oops, sorry, I didn't mean to go quite so far. I hope I didn't blow your opinion of me.

We are always so busy. Busy, busy, busy. I was told that would happen as my kids got older, but that didn't prepare me any better. I don't forsee it slowing down anytime soon. So much for "stay-at-home mom".

How do you balance living a life for Christ and still living life? Now I know the Sunday School answer to that question, but I mean the real day in and day out. Staying focused on the true purpose of our life. You know, the GREAT COMMISSION. Go and make disciples. It's so easy to get caught up in our little tunnel vision of life. For me, it's enough just to roll through the day of school work and regular house work. By the time that is over I am whooped. So when I lay my head down at night, I ask myself, did I do anything that matters in eternity? I am sooooo not looking for a pat on the back or an 'atta girl'. I guess I am just feeling a bit convicted to think outside of my four walls.

HOLY HUDDLE - My Pastor used this term in service a couple of weeks ago. It has stuck with me. When a team (we'll say football, just cuz) is in a huddle, their bodies are facing each other and their heads are down together in a circle. The focus is within that circle. I feel like that is how I am now. My focus is within my holy huddle. Where is the balance?

Man, it is way too early for such deep thinking. So far this morning I have solved world peace, world hunger, the trillion dollar deficit and health care.....well, at least in my own head I have. Now, if I can just get the laundry done.

Just rambling....

It's still early so I have a few minutes to ramble. Now if I just keep it to a few minutes and not lose track of time, that would be great.

I was reading some older posts from the summer before my little blog hiatis, and I wanted to add a few updates.

Bailey has changed dance schools. There was a local school that saw him dance last May at an outside even, Meet in the Street, and became very interested in his talent. They called us, and after a few months of me dragging my feet, offered to scholarship Bailey to come and dance at their studio. This has been such a huge blessing to us and Bailey. We are very grateful for their generousity and their belief in Bailey's talent. Of couse, JJ and I love to watch Bailey dance and are blown away at his "moves", so it has been incredibily awesome to have someone else affirm that talent.

It hasn't been an easy transition for Bailey. He has many friends at the other studio and it had become like a second home. Things are progressing well now. The scholarship has opened up other areas of dance for Bailey that we just couldn't take on before. This dance studio concentrates a lot on technique and that has been more challenging for Bailey. He is a phenominal "hip hop" dancer, but some of the other stuff doesn't come as easily. This opportunity will allow him to have a strong foundation, and try other avenues of dance. Next on the list is tap. He has asked for so long to do tap....luckily that falls in on the scholarship too. Now I just have to get those shoes.

Mickie has been playing football this fall. It has been years since Mickie has played football in a league. The boy is head over heels in love with playing football. He has always loved football from the time he came out of the womb. We didn't really encourage him playing, because of his size. He's a little guy. Even for as talented of a baseball player that he is, he has needed some time to grow to catch up to the stregnth of the other guys his age. Thankfully that has all fallen into place.

Man, I gotta tell ya, this boy can play football. He has been amazing. I am not sure which I love more watching Mickie play or watching JJ watch Mickie play. JJ is not one to compliment Mickie very much. He's the "Simon" judge when it comes to this stuff. But I must say, I have heard more compliments out of JJ during this football season than all the years of baseball combined.

While all the sports are good and I love watching the boys do their "thang", my favorite update would be that Mickie and I are back on track. I felt a big wall between us there for quite sometime. I guess it is a growing pain between mothers and sons. (I am told it is much harder with girls. Not sure I could handle that, which God obviously knew already.) He and I have turned a corner. I am slowly releasing him and he is maturing. I am thankful for his relationship with the Lord, which I know keeps him grounded and accountable far more than JJ and I could ever do.

Once again, I over did my stay here in blog world. My boys are up.

******Out of the mouth of babes.*******

Toby just said to me. "Mom, I know heaven is the best place and I won't want to leave God, but do you think God would let me leave just enough to go down to hell and try to talk to Satan about not giving the world sin? Maybe he'll come back to heaven and be with God."

Yep that's my Tobes. His face was one of true sincerety. He feels sorry that this angel of darkness made such a terrible choice to defy God.

I have no idea what the Lord has planned for my children. But above all things, sports, money, careers, possessions, I pray that they follow hard after HIM.

Long Time No Chat

It's been awhile since I have sat down to add anything to this long neglected blog.

Here we are back to school. It's been going very well, until this week. We have maintained a strong strict schedule.....until this week. Now I can't seem to really get my butt in gear. And that tends to put me in a really-----really bad mood. Which then makes it hard for me to focus on the schooling that needs to get done. It's an ugly cycle.

So, I thought I would blog for therapy. I'll let you know if it helps.

My brother Neil got married this weekend. That's why I am so off my schedule. It started last week, when I cut a few things out of our normal daily routine. Now I feel like I have to catch up. Which is insane, because I am my own calendar keeper. The wedding went wonderfully and it was a good time had by all. I hate coming back to the reality of real life. I love the excitement of preparations and all the fun that leads up to the big day. But the buzz kill is when it's all over and everyone goes home.

My dad and step mom, Sandra, and sister Lucy where here again. It was a first time visit for my brother Marcus and my ex-step mom Gay. (Gay is Neil, Marcus and Lucy's mom...try to keep up with me here.) It was a wonderful time to have them all here, but entirely too short of a visit.

Anyway, Neil got married. He married a girl that he met at my house the very first time he came here to visit. Pretty cool, huh? I never saw that one coming. I cried a lot at Neil's wedding. I just felt so attached to him. I told him, "I'm not ready for you to get married." He had become such a regular fixture at my home every weekend. JJ and I would often say he was like our oldest boy. Not in a demeaning way, we just grew to love him and invest in him and try to help guide him. He has surely been a gift to our family.

I was amazed the first time Neil came to my house. I could not believe that God had brought him into my life after all those years of separation. I was humbled and broken to be given the opportunity to pray with him to become a Christian this past December. I haven't yet found the words to explain how I felt watching him get married here at our church, with our church family, by our wonderful God loving pastors. Never! Never did I even begin to imagine that this is what God had planned.

Now, will I finally learn to be still and wait? Will I learn to be quiet and have peace as I wait on the One who knows? So far............not so much!

Thanks for the therapy!

Here are a few pictures of our weekend.

Not goodbye....see ya later!

I have been trying hard to keep up with some sort of regular blog posts; however, I just can't seem to make it work. ********************************************************** We are heading into another busy school year. Mickie is starting the 10th grade, Bailey is 7th grade, Toby 4th grade and Joey 1st grade. Each one carries it's own set of difficulties. Obviously Mickie is the most challenging with his courses of study and work load. Bailey is at a point that I really need to stress note taking and writing work. Toby is my one who needs that extra sensory stuff in all studies. And Joey is still working on the foundational things. For him everything is a new concept. That can be a slow process. ********************************************************** I am teaching a different level in our coop this year. I am feeling more confident about it now that I have met with my co-teacher. We have been able to put together a "plan" for our first unit. I always feel better when I have a plan. ********************************************************** My goal is spend more time focused on what really needs to get done and less time on the things that I feel pull me away from that. Hence, the blog. It's not just my blog, it's reading other people's blogs. I can easily lose track of time in the cyber blog world. I am going to suspend my blog. I hope I don't have to delete it all together, because I may want to take it up again some day....but who knows. ********************************************************** For those of you wondering about our adoption status...................... Our license for adoption will expire this Septmeber. We don't forsee anything happening before then. We will continue to be the Shaw 6 pak! ********************************************************** So it's time to put words into action. There is laundry to be done and school work to begin! ********************************************************** Take care!

Got all my ducks in a row....

I wanted to express a few thoughts I had while my children were away for 14 days! ********************************************************** The EMPTY NEST is over rated! Absolutely, JJ and I had an awesome time alone. We haven't had much alone time during our 15 years of marriage....probably had something to do with the fact that Mickie was already 6 months old when we got married. However, I missed those boys.... A LOT. JJ and I did all the things that we dreamed we would do.... we stayed up late, we slept in... we took naps. We did whatever we wanted to do with out even thinking about the kids. But after the first week, I was like "okay, done, bring my boys back." Don't get me wrong I managed to survive and I really only had a few moments of weakness, but I also knew that the boys would be coming home, eventually. It wasn't like they were off living their lives all grown up. ********************************************************** It is interesting to see how much we really do live for our children. I am not talking about cooking dinner or washing laundry. I mean how much of our fun, entertainment and laughter are wrapped up in our kids....us....as a family. It's our identity, in a healthy, "man, I adore this family" kind of way. Each one of our kids brings a unique gift to this family we lovingly refer to as the Shaw6pak. ********************************************************** When we were on that last stretch of road before getting the boys, I had butterflies in my stomach. I couldn't wait to see them, touch them, hear them...... I could see the little ones waving their arms to show me that they were there, as though I would actually miss them or something....my spidey sense was on full strength. Three of them quickly embraced me all at once and I could feel the anxiety, that I didn't even realize had been there, melt away. Mickie, of course, went to his dad first. But when I got my turn it was well worth the wait. ********************************************************** I slept better that night than I had in two weeks. As JJ put it, "Momma's ducklings are home, just where they belong." ********************************************************** I was very excited for the kids to leave. I counted down the days right along with them....that does not make me a bad mom. I knew JJ and I would have a great time. But I didn't expect the very special reminder of what a blessing it is to be 'Momma' to four incredible boys. ********************************************************** Thank you, God.

Catchin' Up

Well my blog has been messed up for a while and I didn't have the time or focus to figure out what went wrong. Thankfully, it's back to normal again. *****well I thought it was back normal, but now I can't seem to have any hard returns between paragraphs ......GRRRRR****************************************************************** JJ and I really had a great time on our little escape from reality for two weeks. We went to the museums in Raleigh. We saw Transformers 2. We both liked it A LOT, but I must say we were a bit disappointed at the stuff that was in there that certainly didn't need to be, especially for those younger kids that love the Transformers movies. We spent a good bit of time vehicle shopping for Mickie. You see my husband is a Craigs List junkie. For real! So far no truck....the search continues. At one point JJ got very frustrated with me because I see the cosmetics first and he sees them last. I am a girl, what can I say? Now I know we aren't look anywhere near the NEW department, but sheesh come on.....I don't want it to be ugly either. So we will comprise. I'll shut up and just let him make the best decision. Thankfully, JJ can fix anything....anything. *************************************************************************** During our little vacation, we also celebrated our 15th wedding anniversary. We didn't go anywhere, but that was one of my favorite parts. We cooked on the grill and watched our wedding video. It had been a very long time since we pulled out that "oldie but goodie". Gosh we were sooooo young. So much time has gone by so quickly. It was kinda sad mixed in with very sweet....but that's the hopeless romantic in me. ***************************************************************************** Along our walk down memory lane, we discussed our first wedding anniversary. We went out of town, like 45 minutes away, and stayed at a hotel. Of course we took the top tier of our cake that had been locked away in the freezer for a year. But, I was unaware that JJ also packed my wedding dress and a tux for himself. He surprised me with a candle light dinner of Domino's pizza in full wedding attire. It was very romantic. We both managed to swallow one bite of the very hard, dry cake and decided that was enough for tradition. JJ scored very high points for that one, sadly 14 years later it was me that had to remind him of it all. Well most of it anyway..... ;)

Steeler Ladies